6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
