Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
