I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
