We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
