First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
