My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
