Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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