why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
