My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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