Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
