apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
time to smoke my breakfast
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
