So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
