the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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