he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
