I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
