Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
