and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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