very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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