Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
