Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
