Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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