I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
