I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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