your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
