you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
