Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
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Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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