I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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