some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
