Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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