everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.