U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
