I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.