Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
