Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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