you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
