I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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