This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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