It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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