Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
