I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
