I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
