dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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