I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
