I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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