I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
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you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
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I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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