Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
