I heard we made out
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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