Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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