That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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