It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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