so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
