Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
