I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have already put on my inside pants.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
