Nicole vs. Life
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Only a mothe r could love this liver
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
