FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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