How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
