what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
