sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
me + whiskey = a bad person
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
